


I Don't Believe In God But I Believe In You

by TheSadisticMunchkin



Series: Hang In There Josh [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Josh Lives, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Wendigo Josh, exorJosh, for a bit, kind of hurts honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 13:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5129828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSadisticMunchkin/pseuds/TheSadisticMunchkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now Josh didn’t believe in angels, or God in general really, but Chris could easily bring him down to his knees and pray. What would he pray for exactly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Believe In God But I Believe In You

**Author's Note:**

> First in the series inspired by exorjosh and probably the only one with pure climbing class. I decided to just put them up here now so I will be forced to keep writing it. This is really just self-indulgent so forgive me for any mistakes.

            Seeing Chris again was probably the most painful.

 

            A lot of people would question why it wasn’t seeing his parents again that causes him the most pain. In reality, he’s not close to his folks. Especially after the incident with Hannah and Beth… he didn’t think that their relationship could be more strained than it was before. They barely know anything about him. They see him as a problem child. The psychotic bastard they never actually wanted.

 

            Now?

 

            He doesn’t even know anymore.

 

            The breeze blows past his face like the soft caress of a mother to their newborn child, refreshing yet unfamiliar. He is going to meet Chris. He said he was coming in 15 minutes. 15 minutes is enough time to think. Enough time to choose whether to stay or run back into his room and lock himself in there for a few more days. He’s done that before, what’s stopping him from doing it now?

 

            Maybe it was the fact that Chris is walking towards him at this exact second.

 

            It’s been a year since they’ve truly seen each other but Josh’s heart still leaps every time he sees him. He doesn’t understand why. In fact, he doesn’t understand a lot of things. That, in itself, was a given for him since he was a child. He tries to understand Chris though. He honestly does try for _him._

 

“It really is you.”

 

            The weight of those words said to him was a funny feeling on his shoulders. He still can’t figure out if it’s supposed to be a good or a bad thing. It’s really only been 30 seconds since Chris spoke. What was there to truly digest so far? Is it the fact that Chris is looking at him with an unreadable expression in his unbelievably blue eyes? Is it the way his hands fidgeted at his sides as he continued to think about what he is going to say? Is it just in the way he is probably just over thinking this entire thing?

 

            “How have you been? It’s been almost a year since…”

 

            A year.

 

            “Well since… _whatever_ happened... “

 

            _I don’t need to be told twice._

 

“Am I making the situation worse?”

 

            Josh didn’t like seeing Chris look so uncomfortable in front of him. This is the complete opposite of what the outcome is supposed to be. The outcome he pictured is his blond best friend running for the hills the minute he laid eyes on him. Josh would have done the same. He’s hideous. He’s more abnormal than before.

 

            _He’s a freak._

 

            But Chris is still there. He still doesn’t understand why. The wind is still blowing through his hair and the sun that is currently peaking out of the clouds above cast a small light on him. It looked almost like a halo. Now Josh didn’t believe in angels, or God in general really, but Chris could easily bring him down to his knees and pray. What would he pray for exactly?

 

            “Look, Chris… I’m fucked up.”

 

            Why is his voice shaking? Why is he tearing up? _Keep it together, Joshua!_

 

“I never meant for things to go so wrong…” Chris hasn’t moved a muscle.

 

            _“I’m sorry.”_

 

            And there it was. The pain, the anguish, the absolute guilt. He felt them all as he turns his gaze, and most especially his _ghastly_ scars, from Chris. _I’m fucked up. I’m fucked up. I’m fucked up._ His mind was always so good at betraying him. His mind would fill up with thoughts that he knows he should keep at bay or he will burst at the seams but does it ever listen? _Do I ever listen?_

 

_Earthquake._

 

            Chris’ footsteps sound like an earthquake as he walks closer to him. “No.” What is he saying? “I’m sorry I let you down.” And that’s when Josh, unwillingly, decides to look up at him. He is at first transfixed by the way Chris’ sunlight halo surrounds his taller frame in an eery yet ethereal glow. Then he realizes that he has turned full body towards his best friend. His sharp teeth are now visible. His scars that disfigure one side of his face are within plain sight.

 

            And Chris was staring at them, staring at _him._

 

He quickly turns away, embarrassed and almost completely mortified at what he subconsciously did, but then he feels Chris’ large hand grab his own. Sudden warmth coursed through his body as Chris’ firm yet gentle grip on his hand remained. It was like he’s still been stuck in those mountains for the longest time but only _now_ did he start to feel like he is really out. Out of the cold, frosted air and into the warm summer breeze.

 

            He didn’t feel pain anymore when he buried his head into Chris’ chest. He didn’t feel the anguish burn inside him as he ran his hands through his dark hair. He didn’t feel guilt as Chris whispers in his ear; “I forgive you. Please forgive me?”

 

            Josh didn’t believe in god.

 

            But on that night he prayed for the first time.

 

            What did he pray for exactly?

 

            It was to thank whoever was responsible for allowing him to meet Chris.

 

            And allowing him to _keep_ Chris.

**Author's Note:**

> So... what do you think?


End file.
